What Do Clients Work On?

Below are anonymized portraits of real client transformations. I work with high-performing, agentic people in moments of transition and challenge. Our work together strengthens purpose, identity, and perspective.

Client A — Focus

This client and I spend most of our time talking about ontology and metaphysics. This is an individual who has had radical material success in his life by our cultural standards: beautiful wife and children; highly creative, agentic work; plenty of money; etc. He came to work with me in a moment of great disorientation.

Individuals who “walk their own path” often experience great loneliness. He has had basically an impossible time finding someone who truly “sees” him. For my part, I’ve read all the same books he has and we have rich conversations.

He doesn’t need a taskmaster–he’s far more conscientious than I am. But his north star is to be a teacher in his own right, and our conversations keep him oriented toward those important things.

Client B — Performance

This client came to me while dealing with performance anxiety. (Actually, basically anyone who works with a coach does so to deal with performance anxiety of one form or another. It’s kind of tautological.) Like client A, he is someone operating at high levels, but dealt with extreme guilt around “not doing enough.”

The fish cannot understand that sometimes the water in which it swims is polluted. This client and I often discuss at length the effects of the cultural water into which we were born. When an individual like this cannot identify a problem, he often projects that problem inward: the fault must be with him. It’s preposterous, really.

While working together this client has paradoxically given himself less and less pressure to “do” and accomplished more.

Client C — Purpose

This client came to me with a vision for himself: transitioning to a career in which he became one of those guys clad in Patagonia vests whom you see in airports doing very important things. Before long he actually became that guy. And not long after that he discovered he hated it. I am reminded of a classic essay by Paul Graham:

What You Can't Say (Paul Graham)

He and I spend much time discussing how cultural expectations have warped his behavior. Our dialogues are, over time, cultivating a kind of “permission” for him to do things that he actually wants to do.

Client D — Identity

This client is the patriarch of a large family and the founder and CEO of a business which employs much of that family.

He was caught in a behavioral loop. Whenever something went wrong for someone in the family, blame was directed at my client. My client in turn became angry and turned to distraction and self-abuse to cope. This was something like a Girardian “scapegoat mechanism.” And he got to be the sacrificial lamb over and over again!

Our conversations focused on his relationship with himself: the reasons he was getting so mad, for instance. Over time he began to immerse himself in beautiful environments. He traveled to foreign countries and listened to the same audiobook on repeat for weeks on end, for instance.

His business grew. His family evolved. And talking to him now feels like talking to Yoda.

Conclusion

The thing is never about the thing. My first conversations with clients always reveal something lurking behind the stuckness, the challenge, the behavior.

The paths are winding, but they can be really fun to walk.